When God moves, He moves mightily.
Remember that time I said I didn't know where God was calling me, but I knew it was to missions?
God gave me the choice. I could have said "No."
I still can.
But why would I dare?
If all God has done for me this far in my life is all He ever did for the rest of my time on this side of Heaven, that is more than enough.
I'm well aware of how insane this looks to those looking from the outside in, those who haven't lived closely with me over the past few years.
Remember that time I said I didn't know where God was calling me, but I knew it was to missions?
Remember how I asked you to pray those "unsafe" prayers with me? Well thanks, friends, because God has answered.
Guess what this season of preparation is for....
About six months ago I shared with my Life Group a prayer that had been resting in my spirit to become more bold in Christ, to step into the calling He has placed on my life a faith bursting from within.
Ever since then, I have been drenched in confirmations everywhere I turn, and each time I ask for another one -- Are you sure this is what you want me to do, Father? -- I'm sure God either laughs at me or shakes His head in exasperation, but He obliges and puts someone else in my path to whisper or shout what He has already spoken.
Meetings on meetings on meetings. So many meetings. Forms every day. So much paperwork. So many questions. Dumb amounts of emails. Prayer on prayer on prayer. Beautiful prayer warriors lifting me up each day. Whispering God's truth in my ears at all times. Praying for me when I couldn't pray for myself. When I was mad at God for asking me to do this. Conversations. Fasts. Tears. Belting out worship songs. Arguments with family members. Celebrations with friends.
God gave me the choice. I could have said "No."
I still can.
But why would I dare?
If all God has done for me this far in my life is all He ever did for the rest of my time on this side of Heaven, that is more than enough.
And I need to share that with someone who needs to hear it.
So, I'm quitting my job, selling my junk and becoming a missionary.
So, I'm quitting my job, selling my junk and becoming a missionary.
In addition to that (as if that's not enough), while praying through the opportunities presented before me in regards to my long-term commitment, there was another opportunity presented for a short-term trip exactly to the place my mother shared she felt I was called to go back in January, doing exactly what I wrote about before: Africa, serving women and children.
I'm well aware of how insane this looks to those looking from the outside in, those who haven't lived closely with me over the past few years.
I understand that to those who have also never experienced the call for missions themselves to go and serve -- because ALL of us are called to missions, but many of us are called to stay and serve, and/or to send -- this may seem absolutely foolish and borderline irresponsible.
I get it. It seems that way to me. In fact, I have cried out to God, many, many times.
I get it. It seems that way to me. In fact, I have cried out to God, many, many times.
Are you sure, God?
How is this possible?
Why are you asking me?
Don't you know what else I have going on in my life?
Newsflash: He does know. He knows, because He is making it all happen.
And then one night on my couch, selfishly drowning in my sorrows with Chinese food, red wine, and gross tissues crumpled on the carpet at my feet, it hit me: I'd rather look foolish for God than be foolish for man.
And then one night on my couch, selfishly drowning in my sorrows with Chinese food, red wine, and gross tissues crumpled on the carpet at my feet, it hit me: I'd rather look foolish for God than be foolish for man.
I'd rather give God the opportunity to show up and show out in such a miraculous way that only He could get the glory because there is NO POSSIBLE WAY I can do this on my own.
I'd rather do that than pat myself on the back for attaining everything I set out to accomplish in my own human strength.
Quite frankly, I wasn't created to climb the corporate ladder. I absolutely love my job, and I am so grateful for the opportunities it has afforded me. But if you want me to tell you the truth, I could care less about teaching a computer system.
When I think of the precious women with whom I will get to share God's love and tell them that they are treasured and that He sees them and adores them just the way they are, when I think about the darling orphans that I get to love on because they may have never heard that they were loved before -- that is when my heart really starts beating, that is when I truly feel alive. There is no salary and no benefits to match that.
God did not save me for me to sit on my couch.
Quite frankly, I wasn't created to climb the corporate ladder. I absolutely love my job, and I am so grateful for the opportunities it has afforded me. But if you want me to tell you the truth, I could care less about teaching a computer system.
When I think of the precious women with whom I will get to share God's love and tell them that they are treasured and that He sees them and adores them just the way they are, when I think about the darling orphans that I get to love on because they may have never heard that they were loved before -- that is when my heart really starts beating, that is when I truly feel alive. There is no salary and no benefits to match that.
God did not save me for me to sit on my couch.
God did not save me to hoard His love for myself.
God saved me so that I could share His love with others. God saved me to give me the opportunity, if I so choose, to partner with Him and participate in His wonders and glory as He saves others and calls them to experience the freedom that comes from accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior.
There is no sin dark enough to keep us from God, all we have to do is run straight to Him. For that I am thankful, because my sin pretty closely resembles midnight.
God will rescue you from abandonment.
God will rescue you from abuse.
God will rescue you from alcoholism.
God will rescue you from depression.
God will heal your body.
God will heal your heart.
God WILL provide for your every, single need.
And I know this, because He has done all of those things for me.
As a product of adoption, and then later divorce, I know what it is like to grow up feeling abandoned. Especially in seeing my birth parents several times a year and feeling completely unwanted. Thankfully, I had an incredible mom who worked her ass off to make sure I knew I was loved.
As a victim of emotional abuse and later sexual assault, I know what it is like to feel used and unworthy.
As an abuser of alcohol, I know what it feels like to consciously make unhealthy decision after unhealthy decision just to numb the pain and assert "control" in your life.
As a sufferer of depression, I know what it's like to wake up and feel like you have absolutely nothing to live for so you just go back to sleep.
Unmarried, without children and giving up my corporate job is not where I imagined my life at twenty-five.
But entirely living for Christ, trusting Him for every thing I could ever need, and accepting this call, this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
To keep the glory of God's rescue and redemption to myself, to not share that with His children all over the globe, to not love them as He has loved me, that is the darkest sin.
You won't catch me tying God's hands behind His back because He wants to give me a gift that my fear and anxiety won't let me accept.
Yes, I'm TERRIFIED of quitting my incredible job to leave the only life I've ever known.
Yes, I'm TERRIFIED of asking people for money to support this call. So.Much.Money. What?!
But as I lay my dreams at His feet, I have no doubt that He will bring the desires that He has placed in my heart to fruition in the perfect time.
More so, I am incredibly BLOWN AWAY that God trusts me enough to ask me to do it, and I'm humbled enough by His faithfulness to say YES.
God saved me so that I could share His love with others. God saved me to give me the opportunity, if I so choose, to partner with Him and participate in His wonders and glory as He saves others and calls them to experience the freedom that comes from accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior.
There is no sin dark enough to keep us from God, all we have to do is run straight to Him. For that I am thankful, because my sin pretty closely resembles midnight.
God will rescue you from abandonment.
God will rescue you from abuse.
God will rescue you from alcoholism.
God will rescue you from depression.
God will heal your body.
God will heal your heart.
God WILL provide for your every, single need.
And I know this, because He has done all of those things for me.
As a product of adoption, and then later divorce, I know what it is like to grow up feeling abandoned. Especially in seeing my birth parents several times a year and feeling completely unwanted. Thankfully, I had an incredible mom who worked her ass off to make sure I knew I was loved.
As a victim of emotional abuse and later sexual assault, I know what it is like to feel used and unworthy.
As an abuser of alcohol, I know what it feels like to consciously make unhealthy decision after unhealthy decision just to numb the pain and assert "control" in your life.
As a sufferer of depression, I know what it's like to wake up and feel like you have absolutely nothing to live for so you just go back to sleep.
Unmarried, without children and giving up my corporate job is not where I imagined my life at twenty-five.
But entirely living for Christ, trusting Him for every thing I could ever need, and accepting this call, this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
To keep the glory of God's rescue and redemption to myself, to not share that with His children all over the globe, to not love them as He has loved me, that is the darkest sin.
You won't catch me tying God's hands behind His back because He wants to give me a gift that my fear and anxiety won't let me accept.
Yes, I'm TERRIFIED of quitting my incredible job to leave the only life I've ever known.
Yes, I'm TERRIFIED of asking people for money to support this call. So.Much.Money. What?!
But as I lay my dreams at His feet, I have no doubt that He will bring the desires that He has placed in my heart to fruition in the perfect time.
More so, I am incredibly BLOWN AWAY that God trusts me enough to ask me to do it, and I'm humbled enough by His faithfulness to say YES.
"And then he told them,
'Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone.
Anyone who believes and is baptized will be saved.
But anyone who refuses to believe will be condemned.
These miraculous signs will accompany those who believe:
They will cast out demons in my name,
and they will speak in new languages."
Mark 16:15-17 (NLT)
*I'm next to the lady in yellow, Mom :)
