Forgotten Dreams

Dreams.

I have them often. And when I say often I mean every night for months on end and then maybe I'll get a break for a while.

There are a billion resources to help guide you in analyzing and interpreting your dreams. You hear all types of things about dreams. Don't eat right before you go to sleep. What certain dreams mean. So forth and so on. But as Joseph said (Genesis 40:8), interpreting dreams is God's business. 

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Busyness is Not a Badge of Honor

Busyness is not a badge of honor.

Really, it's not.

But we wear it proudly as if it is. In fact, lately every time I hear those words, "Girl, you're so busy!" I cringe at the hopeless appeal for approval that rings in the air.

Look at me, I have so much going on that you must consider me important. 

What kind of bull…crap….is that? 

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What Unemployment is Teaching Me

Unemployment sucks.

As in, being unemployed will suck the faith right out of you.

Not in an arrogant I don’t believe in God, anymore kind of way. More of a This is clearly in Your will and I’m quite certain it was Your protection because those people are cray cray, but now what in the world do I do? kind of way.

I mean seriously, unemployment sucks.

I spend hours upon hours scouring job sites, putting in applications, cursing my degree -- because it seems that the only thing a college graduate with a Sports Medicine degree who has retail experience, worked for a church and loves kids is qualified for is either a job in Sports Medicine, retail, working for a church or nannying. Go figure.

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Perspective is a Choice

I have been overwhelmed by the comments, texts and calls of everyone who felt that my blog post [How I Feel About My Failure] gave them a voice in their own life situations. Many of these came from participants (now friends) who were part of the same program and are going through unemployment woes mixed with confusion and feelings of that “F” word, and others who were able to draw their own parallels to what is going on in their lives.

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Day One Do Over

Second Day. Hopped in my cozy, already defrosted car as a result of my thoughtful morning preparation. That same focused preparation that yielded me a perfect turkey sandwich in my lunch bag, missing the turkey. That same diligent focus that found me at my training site (the school where I go for evening exercises) rather than my field experience site (at the local high school) at 6:30 a.m. How did that happen? Well, at least I was on time somewhere.

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What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

I'm beginning my last week of independent study before the madness of my field training begins and I've never felt more…cwkfafepasdkfjawe.

Each day I ride feelings of breathtaking excitement and sheer panic just as easy as surfers ride the waves in the ocean. I feel completely bipolar, yet I'm eerily ok with that.

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What Singles Want You to Stop Asking

*Editor's Note: I originally intended to release this as a two-part post, but I haven’t finished the other one quite yet and I am desperately seeking a study break. Enjoy!



I believe I am going to be a wife one day.

I believe this because God has put this desire in my heart.

I believe that God put this desire in my heart because I had no desire previously to get married or have children and now I pray consistently for that future blessing.

Being raised in a broken home, plagued with abuse and divorce and watching my mother struggle constantly to provide the best environment she could for me to thrive made me promise myself early on to never live life that way. If marriage was about hurting another person, I didn’t want to be married. If parenthood was about abandoning your child, I didn’t want to have children. 

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Change - Part 2

If you read Part I of this post, you are probably writhing in dire suspense to learn what my big announcement is. Don’t fret. The wait is over.

[For anyone reading this post who doesn’t know me please recognize that statement is completely saturated in sarcasm. I, in no way, shape or form, think I am nearly important enough nor interesting enough for people to hang on the edge of their seats. Most people who read this blog, however, do know me, and it is written with them as the audience in mind, so saddle up if you’re going to stick around and get all up in my business.]

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I am officially transitioning from my job as the College Ministry Director at my church to a lateral entry training program to become a high school educator.

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I Am the First and the Worst

"I am the first and the worst!"

I had the pleasure of attending church with the incredible man I am dating and his family this past weekend. It was so refreshing. I love my job, but being able to worship anonymously is always so freeing.

Somehow, every time we visit we end up sitting on the same pew as this gentleman who serves as a deacon at the church and, let's just say, he's quite a colorful character. Very participatory, shouting "Amen!" and "Preach Pastor!" and repeating illustrations or predicting sermon points all throughout the message. To some he may be distracting, but to me he is magnificent. So unreserved...so alive.

Even better, his appearance matches his personality to the tee, with activator* in his combed back, shoulder-length, jet black hair and each finger on both hands adorned with rings the size of my eyeballs. Again, this man is nothing if not interesting.

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If God Is Good, then Why Did ____ Happen?

This quote packs a bit of punch. I like it. It's comforting. It made for a great Instagram photo. But it lacks something.

I'm not quite sure how to explain it. It doesn't lack in a bad way, just in our understanding of God's power and majesty.

God knowing the “last punctuation mark before we pronounce the first syllable” brings incredible comfort because it means He cares for us in ways unimaginable. I can't even remember the details of my morning and I’ll be honest – I love myself a whole lot.

How much more does God love me if He knows not only what I've done, with whom, when and where, but He also knows what I was thinking, how I was feeling and the condition of my heart every single one of the 12,562,603 minutes I have been alive (at the time of this posting)?

Not only that, God knows all of those things and everything else that pertains to the rest of my time on this Earth and He knew it all before eternity began. 

Before I took my first breath. 

Before my ancestors arrived in America. 

Before Jesus WOW’ed teachers in the temple at the age of 12. 

Before Eve took a bite of that apple. 

He knew these things about me and He cared. And good God, He still loves me.

He knows those things about you, too. And man, are you the apple of His eye. What a magnificent God.

The danger in this quote emerges when those with broken hearts question the goodness of God. If God knows all of this, one might argue, then He knew about the abuse. 

He knew about the job loss. 

He knew about the cancer. 

He knew about the miscarriage. 

He knew about the unexpected death.


If He loves me so much and He knew these things were going to happen, why didn’t He stop them? If He’s so good, why did He let tragedy ruin my life?

I don’t know. I’m not here to pretend that I do. But I’m not even going to entertain a discussion arguing God’s goodness.

Bad things happen because of sin, not because of God. He did not cause those things to happen, nor did He allow them to happen in order for good to occur (a misinterpretation of Romans 8:28). He can work these things together for your good, and He does that often. He also has the power to stop tragedy from happening, and I don’t know why He doesn’t sometimes.

What I do know is that He stops a whole Hell* of a lot of other things that could disrupt our lives every single day. Have you thanked Him for His protection, yet?

The beauty and the curse of free will is that we are allowed to make our own decisions. Unfortunately, these decisions don’t just impact our lives; they affect others, as well. People we may never even meet are affected by the choices we make, yet we selfishly continue to live our lives as if we are the only ones who matter.

I’m currently (sinfully) obsessed with Emeli Sande. If you haven’t heard her music, you’re doing yourself a disservice by wasting time reading this blog. Log onto Pandora immediately, I won’t even be offended.

If I could write the lyrics to every single song on her album, without getting arrested, I would list them here. Instead I’ll just focus on a few words of one of my favorites, “Heaven.” 

Oh Heaven, oh Heaven,

I wake with good intentions, 

But the day, it always lasts too long. 

Don’t get weary in these long days. 

You may wake with good intentions and end the day in a puddle. 

It’s OK. God knows. And He cares. And He still loves you. And the most amazing thing is no matter what happens in this life, God already knows how it ends. 

And we can rest assured that if we put our trust in Him, it will end well. 

It will end in Heaven.






*In case you forgot, Hell is a real place and not just a curse word used for dramatic effect, so get your cursor off the "Report" button.

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Don't Inarupt...Rude!

If you haven't seen the YouTube video highlighting BonQuiQui’s sensational level of customer service at King Burger you have not yet lived. Played by Anjelah Johnson (a Christian comedian – yes, Christians can be funny), BonQuiQui is just one of many characters who portray minority stereotypes. Definitely check out these videos – but leave the impersonations to Anjelah. You may lose a few brain cells, but we all need a way to de-stress.

BonQuiQui at King Burger: http://youtu.be/jZkdcYlOn5M

If you skipped over that link just to get to the rest of the post, I saw you. Please go back and click it like I asked the first time.

For those of you who now think my sense of humor is immature, you’re probably right. Keep in mind, though, I have acted interested in your “cute” potty training or ridiculously over sharing breastfeeding stories…they are only appropriate or interesting to you, so check yourself.

“Welcome to King Burger, where we can do it yo’ way, but don’t get crazy!”

Hmm…does that sound familiar to you? No? Let me package it a different way.

Lord, whatever is Your will is my desire. Show me what You want me to do and I’ll do it. Show me where You want me to go and I’ll go. Lead me, and I’ll follow. I am Yours…as long as it’s convenient. And can you throw in that [ring, job, baby, new house, healing, deliverance, etc.] I’ve been waiting for. I’ll go where You call me and I’ll do what You tell me, but can You just go ahead and bless me first? Then I’ll know You are listening and my faith will be strengthened.
 
Don’t get me wrong. To pray that whatever the Lord puts in front of us is what we will commit our lives to without any indication of what comes next is a terrifying prayer. Especially when we’ve been praying for things for so long and the Lord keeps answering what we think should be “Yes!” with “No” and “Not Yet.” I’ll be the first to admit that.

But notice how disrespectful, albeit hilarious, BonQuiQui’s character is in this clip.

Reading into this as more than a comedy clip, we can see that the reason for her insolence comes from the confusion of her role. BonQuiQui’s role is that of service. Her hired position is to make a customer’s experience positive, and her sole purpose in that role is to learn what they want, communicate it to the appropriate people and ensure that they receive it. However, she views every customer as a nuisance because she is much more interested in being paid to take personal calls or simplistic orders.

What is your role?

Are you a mother? A son? A banker? A student? A girlfriend? A teacher? A helper? Lost and confused?

If you are a Christian, you are first and foremost a server. Your role is to glorify God, and to serve Him through serving others.

I went through a season at my job where hearing the word "stress" would actually create stress in me. In my dual role, I am responsible for all aspects of one ministry and the support of another through administration. This often means that other people will come to me asking me to order supplies or for database assistance while I am shaping details for an event or activity for my students. Needless to say, I have appeared less than approachable at times (yes, even those working in a church sometimes have off days - gasp!)

This did not change until one day I recognized and acknowledged my role. My role as God’s servant is to do whatever He puts in front of me to the best of my ability. It does not matter if other people appreciate it, or if I have other things to do. My agenda does not compare to God’s agenda.

When I realized this, being interrupted became a lot easier. My plans took a backseat to what God wanted me to get done, and it was so freeing. In the mornings I would literally pray “I am only responsible to get done what You have prepared for me today. Help me to recognize it and complete it as unto You.”

This didn't get me off the hook, though. I couldn't forego planning the details of an experience and blame my laziness on "not feeling called by the Spirit." I still needed to do all that was in my natural power, but it did change my perspective about interruptions.

Most specifically, it changed my perspective about life interruptions. 

What happens when a friend dies…a parent becomes ill…a baby is lost…money is dwindling and a job is nowhere in sight?

Life has a way of interrupting our plans and spitting in our faces while we pick up the pieces of shattered hopes and dreams.

How do you handle those interruptions?

This week, I received some subtle, but important reminders of my role.

On Monday, I went to purchase a study only to find my wallet was missing. Because I tend to be absentminded, I just assumed I walked out of the house with it and took an early lunch to drive home. Only it wasn’t there. And it wasn’t in my car. And when I called my friend at work to look around my desk it wasn’t there either. Panic mode.

I then remembered that I went to Wal-Mart 24 hours earlier and that was the last place I used it. Crap. It’s gone. I might as well call the bank now and tell them to freeze my cards.

Instead I trusted the Lord. I trusted that there is still goodness to be found in others, and I was proved right. After visiting the customer service desk at Wal-Mart I received my wallet completely intact, including my cash and checkbook! Praise the Lord!

Driving back to work, my gas light came on. I’ve never been so happy to fill up my 16-gallon tank as I was when the money I thought I would never see again was resting in my hands -- only to never see again, courtesy of Citgo. But the Lord took care of me, yet again.

I was on a high and praising God left and right. That is, until Tuesday. Somehow, between Monday and Tuesday (I’m assuming as I left my doors wide open in my frantic search for my wallet) a nasty frog hopped his little way into my home. No, it was not cute and cuddly like Kermit, the felt puppet. It was gross, slimy, and pooped on my floor. And I did not notice it until Tuesday morning as I sat down to journal before work and the nasty little thing hopped right by my bed.

I had a full day ahead and wasn’t able to get the nasty little thing out until that evening close to midnight. Ok, my sister Stacey wasn’t able to get it out until that evening close to midnight, because I was a little pansy who refused to go back home unless she came with me.

I believe wholeheartedly that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), the good, the bad, and the slimy.

Do I think the Lord intentionally placed a frog in my house because His plan was for me to worry about catching that than whatever I had on my personal agenda? Not necessarily.

Do I think He used Kermit to grab my attention and tell me to sit down and pause before life gets away from me? Most certainly.

Do I believe the Lord caused me to lose my wallet on Monday? Not at all. I was rushing and inattentive.

Do I think He used that opportunity for me to show kindness to others even in my time of distraction and despair? Absolutely.

Please don’t take these minor examples to think that I don’t know what it’s like for life to be interrupted in a real sense.

I know what it’s like to learn on your 18th birthday that you were given up for adoption as a baby, to learn that because of a completely preventable condition you may not be able to birth children of your own, to lose a friend to a drug overdose and to watch the most important person in your life suffer for over a year. I know about life's interruptions, I’m just not ready to talk publicly about those yet.

What I am ready to talk about is recognizing inconvenient interruptions as God-appointed interventions.

God has something planned for you today that is not on your schedule, not in your agenda, and is more than likely inconvenient.

But I guarantee that the time you take to respond to His whispers and talk to people you wouldn’t normally talk to, pray with people you wouldn’t normally “have the time” to be involved with, and do something outside of your comfort zone, that time will be rewarded and you will be blessed.

It’s not about being in the right place at the right time. It’s about holding your plans loosely and doing what God tells you to do when He tells you to do it.

"'I have the right to do anything,' you say - but not everything is beneficial.

'I have the right to do anything' - but not everything is constructive.

No one should seek their own good, but the good of others...

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do,

do it all for the glory of God.'"

 I Corinthians 10:23-24, 31

 


And just because Anjelah’s my absolute favorite comedienne, I included some of my favorite videos for those of you who have nothing else better to do.

Navigation - http://youtu.be/VIbZVeQkd8c
Nail Salon - http://youtu.be/GoqcAe06Fz8
Bon Qui Qui Flight Attendant – http://youtu.be/jl6OqmYwmPY


 

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Fifty Shades of Grey-ce (Grace)

I grew up in a family of "Cultural Christians." I love my family to death, but let's be real. To us, God existed in a box. We talked to learned about heard about God on Sundays and summer VBS, went to Him to ask for blessings or to rescue us from crisis, and looked down on the girls who got pregnant in high school because they were clearly not in His will. Isn't that where the basics of Christianity fall?

With this background, you can imagine how my world was rocked when I came to know Christ in a relational sense, after having the "time of my life" in college -- which was ironically plagued with disappointment and depression from the choices I made to assert my independence and freedom.

So now as an unmarried, twenty-something who enjoys wine and Will Ferrell and struggles with judging others and maintaining purity* with her handsome, talented, amazing boyfriend, I am really struggling with this whole Fifty Shades of Grey deal.

If you haven't heard about this book, you should probably Bing it now so this post will make more sense. Don't worry, I'll wait. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about patience lately, so I'll use it here.
----------------------------------------
Welcome back. I missed you. Did you catch that article where the librarian in Baltimore pulled the book from her shelves? Shout out to Libby. (That's the name I give all librarians. Two points if you caught the word play.)

I cannot express how disappointed I have been at the amount of Christian women who are not only reading this book, but passing it along to friends and discussing it in Small Groups. Married women claim it puts a spark in their marriage and single women think it's just as innocent as watching Glee. Don't even get me started with Glee.

The more I rest in God's Word, the more I have been forced to wrestle with how uncomfortable it truly is. Sure, there are the confirming promises our Father delivers, and the encouraging verses that can be tweeted or written on note cards. But for those of us who are Christ-followers, why do we continuously justify skipping the parts of the Bible we don't like?

Truth is not truth unless it is whole. Whole can be painful, but whole is ultimately healthy. You cannot accept some parts of the Bible while dismissing others and call yourself a Christian. I've been struggling with that as Christians continue to live divided over Amendment One, but that's another post for another time.

That is precisely the problem with religion now, though -- too much picking and choosing the things that make us feel warm and fuzzy while neglecting what God has directly commanded of us.

As it relates to Fifty Shades of Grey and the Christians who are reading it without a second thought (actually, their second thought is that those of us who aren't reading it are judgmental, stuck-up prudes), I am finding that a lot of Christians are compartmentalizing God. When we do this, we live as if God has office hours and they are from 8am-1pm on Sundays, depending on which service you attend, rather than living as if He is with us each and every day, in even the smallest details of our lives.

Really people? Come on! Christ-followers are called to be in the world and not of it, and that requires looking at the issues that are clearly of the world with a set of lenses that is not judgmental, but instead with lenses that allow our hearts to break when our eyes are opened to things that we know are not from God.

You may call me close-minded for writing about a book I haven't even read, but I can't bring myself to do it.

Just think...would you feel comfortable reading this book to your kids? To your mom? During your prayer time with God?

Furthermore, the main character of this ridiculous novel is apparently a controlling narcissist who epitomizes they type of jerk I would never want my daughter, my friends, or myself to seek in a boyfriend or husband. Sounds like my ex. And I thank God, quite literally, that he is my ex.

God is real and He is raw. He understands all of the nitty-gritty of our lives and we do not have to go before Him as perfect little angels who have our acts together. He knows we don't. He knows we are broken, bruised and tainted, and even if the rest of the world thinks we have our sh...uh, stuff...together, God knows the truth. And He still loves us. That's grace.
 
We all know it is wrong to take advantage of people, hurt children, ignore the widow. This upsets us and we even rally together around missions and social justice projects to make things better. 

Somehow, though, we completely miss the evil that is sneaking into our souls from more subtle influences. Putting poison like this into our minds, things you know aren't at all pleasing to God, will most assuredly start to take your life. 

You may think I'm being dramatic, but things rarely start full-force. Affairs start with just a glass of wine after work, innocence is given away to the boyfriend who was deemed marriage material from the first conversation. 

Most everything people regret in life has a starting point, and I bet if you reflect on things you wish had gone differently in your own life you can pinpoint some of yours. Don't let this stupid book be a starting point -- or a midway point, or a catalyst -- to the deterioration of a relationship in your life, whether that relationship is with your boyfriend, husband or most importantly, God.

I feel so adamantly about this that I decided to share my thoughts with everyone on an online blog, but it got me thinking: if I feel so strongly about something that others seem so apathetic, what am I apathetic towards that other Christians feel strongly about?

What are my own blind spots? Where am I ignoring God and settling to be of the world and not in it?

It's a harrowing thought, one that I'll have to sit with for a while, but one that I consider worth the discomfort as I grow in faith and into myself. 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, 

whatever is right, whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- 

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- 

think about such things."

Philippians 4:8

*I'll write later on reclaiming purity that was lost/given away with complete dismissal for God's purposes and intentions.

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Monday, December 20, 2010 - This Information Age Can Kick Rocks

This Information Age Can Kick Rocks

Don’t get me wrong. I think technology is amazing and we are so lucky to live in a world where we can access anything we need in the blink of an eye. What we do with these resources is another debate. But I will tell you, as one of the few twenty-somethings who does not have her cell phone attached to her hand, there are some things that greatly perplex me leading me to vent my frustrations on my brand spanking new blog.

1. I don’t like the new Facebook.
2. I really don’t like the new Twitter.
3. I just learned I can download apps onto my Ipod using my Ipod…who knew you didn’t have to connect to the Apple store on your laptop to transfer music?
4. I have no idea how to update my GPS, so for the past few weeks every time I need directions I’ve been printing out the routes from MapQuest.
5. Ok, I lied. My printer cartridge is out of ink, so I’ve been writing down the directions on the back of receipts found in my purse.
6. Before my roommate and I got DVR, the only time I turned on my computer was to check my email and catch up on TV shows I missed.
7. Speaking of which, DVR and I just celebrated our 1 month anniversary last a week ago :)
8. I never use the calendar in my phone. I carry around a mini-sized planner like somebody’s grandmother.
9. What is this Kindle business? I love to read, but I could never get one of those. What happens when you’ve reached the climax of the story and your battery dies? What if your screen gets all scratched up? What if you’re eating Chinese food and your fingers get too greasy to “turn” the pages. (I put turn in quotations because there are only few things more satisfying than physically turning paper pages right to left in a good book.)
10. Any my biggest stressor of the 21st century: How does wireless networking exist?? Someone please explain this to me. My modem is upstairs and I’m on my couch and I have a flawless connection. There’s not even a delay. WHERE ARE THE CORDS?

I’m sticking to kids and Jesus. I may not understand either of them fully, but I know two things for sure: they love me and I love them.

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