I am an introvert.
Anyone who knows me, knows this, and they laugh at people who think otherwise.
Before we move any further, let me first dispel the myth that introverts have to be quiet and reserved, shy or ill-fitting in social situations. There is nothing wrong with having any of those characteristics, but as I've said before: dainty and delicate don't really live around here.
I am loud. Very loud. Sometimes I don't even recognize how my voice carries in a normal conversation.
The only thing reserved in this life is tables at restaurants, because your girl likes to grub. I share my opinion way too frequently and that is something I've been working on, but haven't quite arrived.
Having never met a stranger, I am the polar opposite of shy. I hugged the director of my department during our first meeting. I hug other people's friends and family when we meet rather than the socially appropriate act of shaking hands. (Hands are dirty anyway. At least hugs are cozy.) People will tell me their life story in the grocery store aisle because I "just have one of those faces."
But I am still an introvert. I draw my energy from being alone. I love being in a crowd, I thrive in social settings, but I need space to rejuvenate and silence to appreciate the process. If I don't get that space and I am forced to interact longer than mentally or emotionally capable...well, you may wish we were strangers.
I don't like ice breakers. At all. Ever. Some of my friends from missionary orientation in May shared at dinner this past Sunday that they played a game with some of the other appointees at training this week and immediately locked eyes and said "Brittany would hate this." You better know it.
Many people are shocked when I tell them I am an introvert, but not only do I possess many of the characteristics but I also tip the scale based on Myers-Briggs and other personality assessments.
It's not that I don't like being around others. I just really enjoy being by myself.
The thing I'm learning, though, is that we need others to support us. We need community. We were never supposed to walk this journey called life alone.
By not joining a community you are not being self-reliant, you are not being independent, you are being a coward. And I say this because I've been there. I'm calling out those of us who are cowards because it does not take any faith to depend on yourself. It takes faith to depend on others, to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt but much more to "risk" feeling true love. It takes faith to depend on God and to accept the people that He has put in your life.
You see, God allows people to enter and exit our lives like the ebb and flow of a tide at the beach. It is up to us whether we accept those people for the purposes God has orchestrated and let them leave when our season has come to a close. It is also up to us if we shut those people out when God is blessing us with their friendship, or if we cling to the presence of those who should be long gone.
It's all about the choices we make.
If you've visited my church even once, you'll hear a phrase that is constantly in our speech: we're better together.
And it is so true.
In fact, just a few days ago our pastor posted an Instagram photograph of a lion with this caption beneath to express this sentiment:
"A lion used to prowl about a field where 4 oxen lived. Many a time the lion tried to attack them but whenever he came near, the oxen would turn tail to tail so whichever way [the lion] approached he was met with the horns of one. At last however, they fell in arguing, complaining and offense. Each went to his own pasture in a separate corner of the field. The lion attacked them one by one and soon all four were devoured." Aesop, 6th century BC
I have said it many times before, but I am forever grateful for my corner.
I am grateful for the friends who are in the seasons of life one or two (or eight or fourteen) steps ahead of me, who gift me with wisdom with which I don't even know what to do yet.
I am grateful for the friends who are in the seasons of life one or two steps in my past, who remind me how sweet and precious each day is.
I am grateful for the friends who may not have been through the same experiences I have, but they love me all the same and they cherish God's grace and mercy.
Tonight, I want to share how grateful I am for the friends that are going through the same things I am. Grateful for their openness in sharing their struggles, their excitement as we celebrate milestones, and their faithfulness in this call to missions.
I have the most amazing support system. Really, a blessing I surely don't deserve. But one of the biggest struggles in this season is that as much support as I have, no one truly understands what I am going through.
Leaving my life as I know it. The uncertainty behind the decisions as I solidify a timeline. Dating. What the? Explaining this passion to my family. Being in the prime of my life and giving it all away. The anticipation that gets overshadowed by loneliness and then sideswiped by an overwhelming list of tasks to complete.
But God.
God gives us community.
A few weeks ago, I shared the following with my best friend one night and my Charlotte mama the next, when asked the same question: "So, how do you really feel?"
My response: I really feel......like a pregnant woman.
Having never been pregnant, I can only speculate, but in these days where the initial excitement from the "announcement" has worn off, and every day I answer the same questions because they are coming from different people who don't know how many times I've sang my song, sometimes I'm just tired.
Though excitement doesn't even begin to describe how I am for the "birth" of this opportunity, and I can't wait to meet my "baby" (i.e. land in Peru), with the counseling sessions and the tracking databases, and the newsletter creations, and the book requirements, and trying to manage all of that while maintaining life as it still is here because I haven't actually left yet.....well, I just feel bloated, with acid reflux and cankles and I can't sleep at night because I can't get in a good position in bed.
Then there is the "labor and delivery" of moving to another continent and getting accustomed to a new culture and working through the homesickness that I can't even think about yet because I haven't even packed my bag!
But of course, even in the sleepless nights, I thank God for what He has created. For the opportunity that He has given me. This opportunity that is so unique to anything I have ever done, that He could have chosen anyone else for, yet He invited me. And I thank Him endlessly.
And He keeps blessing me. Like on Sunday. This past Sunday, I was able to visit with two beautiful friends who are participating in the two-week training that I will be doing in October.
Finally, I felt understood. These ladies, also in their twenties, also single, also from loving, Christian families who had a hard time understanding their decision, these ladies were answers to prayers.
And as much as I wanted to just go home after serving at church....because I'm an introvert.....I much more craved the connection with them and I am so grateful God placed them in my life to hear His truth, and His love and His confirmations over and over again.
We are not in this alone.
I don't have any great philosophical ending. I was going to add something charging everyone who reads this post to find a community and get ROOTED and I still pray that you do that.
But tonight I just want to thank all who are in my corner. I am praying for you. Thank you for continuously praying for me.
"For where two or three are gathered
together in My name,
I am there among them."
Matthew 18:20 (HCSB)
