What Singles Want You to Stop Asking

*Editor's Note: I originally intended to release this as a two-part post, but I haven’t finished the other one quite yet and I am desperately seeking a study break. Enjoy!



I believe I am going to be a wife one day.

I believe this because God has put this desire in my heart.

I believe that God put this desire in my heart because I had no desire previously to get married or have children and now I pray consistently for that future blessing.

Being raised in a broken home, plagued with abuse and divorce and watching my mother struggle constantly to provide the best environment she could for me to thrive made me promise myself early on to never live life that way. If marriage was about hurting another person, I didn’t want to be married. If parenthood was about abandoning your child, I didn’t want to have children. 

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Science & God

The more I study for these stupid challenging Praxis exams the more I am reminded how much I hate dislike tests and I plan to give my future students as many open-book assignments allowed.

Spending each day in science and psychology textbooks has provoked my thinking in ways never considered in high school or undergrad because my faith was not at all a part of my life the way it is today.

Rather than doubting God’s existence, like many others, I have marveled at the idea that people can question His existence after looking at the evidence presented by science. 

I can only thank God for a faith like that.

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Change - Part 2

If you read Part I of this post, you are probably writhing in dire suspense to learn what my big announcement is. Don’t fret. The wait is over.

[For anyone reading this post who doesn’t know me please recognize that statement is completely saturated in sarcasm. I, in no way, shape or form, think I am nearly important enough nor interesting enough for people to hang on the edge of their seats. Most people who read this blog, however, do know me, and it is written with them as the audience in mind, so saddle up if you’re going to stick around and get all up in my business.]

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I am officially transitioning from my job as the College Ministry Director at my church to a lateral entry training program to become a high school educator.

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Change - Part 1

"Change is good."

People like me want to punch people who say things like that in the sidethroat. I'm not a proponent of violence, but I'm also not entirely in favor of change.

Change can be good. Just in recent history (recent as in the past few centuries), we've seen amazing changes that have positively affected people. From slavery to emancipation, women's rights, minority rights, technological advances, mission work, and so on, changing people's circumstances and situations for the better have impacted their lives in ways mostly indescribable.

Even still, I prefer this quote from Mark Twain:

“The only person who likes change is a wet baby.”

I find that much more accurate.

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Sick and Tired of Tolerance

Tolerance is annoying.

Not because of the concept, itself, but because we just can't seem to get it right.

We tolerate those whose attitudes and opinions reflect our own.

We can't stand those who present a conflict. And then we call them intolerant.

Will you allow me to be blunt for a moment?

Christians get the shortest end of the toleration stick.

With prayer removed from schools and "freedom" of speech, if you are a Christian, being attacked left and right, the debate regarding separation of church and state is at an all-time high.

Dare I even broach the whole Chick-Fil-A issue?

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I Am the First and the Worst

"I am the first and the worst!"

I had the pleasure of attending church with the incredible man I am dating and his family this past weekend. It was so refreshing. I love my job, but being able to worship anonymously is always so freeing.

Somehow, every time we visit we end up sitting on the same pew as this gentleman who serves as a deacon at the church and, let's just say, he's quite a colorful character. Very participatory, shouting "Amen!" and "Preach Pastor!" and repeating illustrations or predicting sermon points all throughout the message. To some he may be distracting, but to me he is magnificent. So unreserved...so alive.

Even better, his appearance matches his personality to the tee, with activator* in his combed back, shoulder-length, jet black hair and each finger on both hands adorned with rings the size of my eyeballs. Again, this man is nothing if not interesting.

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If God Is Good, then Why Did ____ Happen?

This quote packs a bit of punch. I like it. It's comforting. It made for a great Instagram photo. But it lacks something.

I'm not quite sure how to explain it. It doesn't lack in a bad way, just in our understanding of God's power and majesty.

God knowing the “last punctuation mark before we pronounce the first syllable” brings incredible comfort because it means He cares for us in ways unimaginable. I can't even remember the details of my morning and I’ll be honest – I love myself a whole lot.

How much more does God love me if He knows not only what I've done, with whom, when and where, but He also knows what I was thinking, how I was feeling and the condition of my heart every single one of the 12,562,603 minutes I have been alive (at the time of this posting)?

Not only that, God knows all of those things and everything else that pertains to the rest of my time on this Earth and He knew it all before eternity began. 

Before I took my first breath. 

Before my ancestors arrived in America. 

Before Jesus WOW’ed teachers in the temple at the age of 12. 

Before Eve took a bite of that apple. 

He knew these things about me and He cared. And good God, He still loves me.

He knows those things about you, too. And man, are you the apple of His eye. What a magnificent God.

The danger in this quote emerges when those with broken hearts question the goodness of God. If God knows all of this, one might argue, then He knew about the abuse. 

He knew about the job loss. 

He knew about the cancer. 

He knew about the miscarriage. 

He knew about the unexpected death.


If He loves me so much and He knew these things were going to happen, why didn’t He stop them? If He’s so good, why did He let tragedy ruin my life?

I don’t know. I’m not here to pretend that I do. But I’m not even going to entertain a discussion arguing God’s goodness.

Bad things happen because of sin, not because of God. He did not cause those things to happen, nor did He allow them to happen in order for good to occur (a misinterpretation of Romans 8:28). He can work these things together for your good, and He does that often. He also has the power to stop tragedy from happening, and I don’t know why He doesn’t sometimes.

What I do know is that He stops a whole Hell* of a lot of other things that could disrupt our lives every single day. Have you thanked Him for His protection, yet?

The beauty and the curse of free will is that we are allowed to make our own decisions. Unfortunately, these decisions don’t just impact our lives; they affect others, as well. People we may never even meet are affected by the choices we make, yet we selfishly continue to live our lives as if we are the only ones who matter.

I’m currently (sinfully) obsessed with Emeli Sande. If you haven’t heard her music, you’re doing yourself a disservice by wasting time reading this blog. Log onto Pandora immediately, I won’t even be offended.

If I could write the lyrics to every single song on her album, without getting arrested, I would list them here. Instead I’ll just focus on a few words of one of my favorites, “Heaven.” 

Oh Heaven, oh Heaven,

I wake with good intentions, 

But the day, it always lasts too long. 

Don’t get weary in these long days. 

You may wake with good intentions and end the day in a puddle. 

It’s OK. God knows. And He cares. And He still loves you. And the most amazing thing is no matter what happens in this life, God already knows how it ends. 

And we can rest assured that if we put our trust in Him, it will end well. 

It will end in Heaven.






*In case you forgot, Hell is a real place and not just a curse word used for dramatic effect, so get your cursor off the "Report" button.

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Hope, Faith, Raindrops and Checkbooks

Have you ever taken notice of the rain? I mean really sat and watched it. Not like when you’re driving and trying not to hydroplane or running from your car to your front door, trying not to get soaked.

Yesterday, after trying not to hydroplane and before determining the best opportunity to do a mad dash from my driver's seat to my porch, I just sat in my car and watched the rain. It was the first day in many months I was not in a rush to get somewhere else after work, so I just sat. I watched. Then I closed my eyes. I listened. I smelled. I quieted my soul. For the first time in a while, both my mind and my body were stilled.

When I was driving, clearly aware of the rain but not specifically paying attention to it, it seemed like each drop had a purpose. They were being driven intentionally into the soil, on the pavement, rolling clumsily off my car.

As I gathered my things and ran into my home, I stood in front of my glass sliding doors and looked out. This time, it seemed like the rain was literally free-falling from the sky. Like each drop had no idea where it would land, but nonetheless it fell.

Sometimes I feel like those raindrops. There are days where I feel like my purpose and intention is clearly defined. Others I feel like I am one of many who are falling without direction, only to bring relief wherever – and whenever – I land.

"For just as rain and snow fall from heaven

and do not return there without saturating the earth

and making it germinate and sprout, 

and providing seed to sow and food to eat,

so My word that comes from My mouth

will not return to Me empty, 

but it will accomplish what I please 

and will prosper in what I send it to do."

Isaiah 55:10-11 (HCSB)

Oh, how thankful I am for God’s Word. As I sat in my favorite chair, reflecting on His goodness and laying my burdens at His feet in this time of certain uncertainty, God gave me a song. And as I sang to Him, He spoke:

Lead me to the cross, 

where Your love poured out.

Bring me to my knees,

Lord, I lay me down.

Rid me of myself,

I belong to You.

Oh, lead me.

Still singing, I opened my eyes and looked directly at a box on my bookshelf. Suddenly I realized, that’s where my checkbooks are! You see, I moved in May, and I haven’t been able to find my checkbooks since then. Well, truthfully I didn’t realize I wasn’t able to find them until a few weeks ago, but since then I had looked everywhere imaginable. Everywhere except this box. During this time I was never really worried, primarily because I still had several checks left in my current book, but I knew I would be in trouble if I didn’t find them soon.

It seems silly, but in that moment all other cares fell away. I had my checkbooks. I hadn’t even been looking for them, but when I stopped to praise God in the midst of other things going on, He showed them to me. He directed me to my very cleverly organized, yet easily forgotten, location.

And in the very next moment God whispered “You keep looking for things in the wrong places. Seek me and I will show you everything else you are looking for.”

Truth.

It is a hard truth, but it is truth. The things I am searching for in my relationships are to be found in Christ alone. The things I am searching for in my job, in my purpose, in my life….can only be found when I seek Christ.

My friend Lindsay recently wrote a blog post about hope. In it, she posed a question I have found myself teetering on either end of the optimism-pessimism scale: 

Why get your hopes up when something might not work out? 

I have struggled with this in the margins of my faith for many years.

Am I lacking faith by not allowing my wildest dreams to blossom or am I just being realistic by stifling emotion tied to the unlikely?

God can do the impossible. God has done the impossible. God will do the impossible. If I believe in Him, I have to believe in that.

But should I live a life full of unprecedented hope, only to continuously and repeatedly be let down?

Or should I just keep on trekking, never expecting more than greatness, so I can always be pleasantly surprised when something amazing happens?

Lindsay goes on: "So what you've lived in hope. Isn't that better than living in fear?"

Why yes, my Starbucks Sista, yes it is. Infinitely better.

GUT CHECK.

The Proverbs 31 woman is one of elegance and grace, of faith and virtue. Though I am not currently in a season of wifery or motherhood, there are many things I can strive for in becoming as close to a Proverbs 31 woman as I’ll get.

This one specific verse in that famous passage is my fervent prayer for this season:

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, 

and she laughs without fear of the future." 

Proverbs 31:25 (NLT)

I pray I am able to recognize that I am being intentionally sent 

to water seeds God has planted,

accomplishing what He pleases and prospering in His plans,

that it is not in my purpose to return from where I have come

but to go forward with high hopes in the One who is Lord, 

and to laugh with Him in the most fearless manner

at the future He has prepared for me,

all while giving continuous praise.

This is my prayer for this season o’ transition.

What is yours?

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Why God Isn't My Number One

God can't be your Number One.

That is not a typo. It's not heresy. He just can’t be your Number One; it doesn't make sense.

When you give God the place of Numero Uno in your life you put Him before everything you do. You may think that is great, you may even think that’s what we are supposed to do as Christ-followers, but the truth is that puts God straight in a box.

How can that be? You start off your day with prayer. You pray about an assignment or a conversation or decision before it happens. How dare I accuse you of living without Christ as the center of your life?

...living without Christ as the center of your life...

God cannot -- and should not -- be your Number One. He shouldn’t even be on your list. He should be in your list. He should be in everything on your list.

You see, when God comes first, we make it so that He cannot be central in our lives.

Making God the center of our lives means He permeates every ounce of our beings. He should take over until there's nothing left of us and only He remains. Every decision, every conversation, every thought, every action, everything should have God in it. God is not only present, but active in every area of our lives.

There is no Sunday Christian with this. You cannot live two different lives when God is in the center.

If that sounds scary, it's because it's terrifying. If that sounds crazy, it's because it is. But it is 100% amazing.

Oh, but when God is first, how the tables turn….

When God comes first, we pray prayers that give us permission to do what is wrong, rather than confessing our sins and turning away by accepting His grace for our mistakes.

"Lord, please forgive us for doing what we want to do. We know that this is not Your way, but it seems like a much better idea than whatever You have planned. You have given us the ability to distinguish between right and wrong, but our desires outweigh our faith. We do ask that you bless us and protect us as we continue to dishonor You, though."

When God comes first, rather than central, what we want to do begins to outweigh our faith, and our faith is the driving force behind how we choose what we should do.

That’s when we start having quiet times in the morning and sleepovers at night.

When God comes first, long forgotten is His sweet, sacred presence by 10pm when our boyfriends are over watching a movie. When God is central, we can discuss Him and the ways He is moving in our lives individually and together with our boyfriends.

When God comes first, we move in with our significant other without a ring because it’s cheaper and more convenient. When God is central in our lives, we make the financially savvy decision to trust Him for provision.

When God comes first, we watch movies and read books that we know good and well we would be ashamed for other people to see. When God is central we don’t have to defend our leisure material.

When God comes first, we judge others and comment on how much they need prayer. When God is central we pray for those people, with those people, and take time to examine our own flaws.

When God comes first, we hold the Pharisaical view of the Bible. When God is central, our ultimate gift to the world is the way in which love flows through our every interaction.

When God comes first, we tend to pray only when we need something and the rare occasion that we are grateful enough to thank Him for blessings. When God is central, we talk to Him all throughout the day, leaning on Him for support, laughing at His small wonders, sitting in awe of His mighty ones.

You see why God can’t be Number One in our lives?

If God’s concept of time and space exists outside of basic human understanding what makes us think that His priority in our lives doesn’t need to be shifted, as well?

Do you need to move God from first to all?

I know I did.

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Don't Inarupt...Rude!

If you haven't seen the YouTube video highlighting BonQuiQui’s sensational level of customer service at King Burger you have not yet lived. Played by Anjelah Johnson (a Christian comedian – yes, Christians can be funny), BonQuiQui is just one of many characters who portray minority stereotypes. Definitely check out these videos – but leave the impersonations to Anjelah. You may lose a few brain cells, but we all need a way to de-stress.

BonQuiQui at King Burger: http://youtu.be/jZkdcYlOn5M

If you skipped over that link just to get to the rest of the post, I saw you. Please go back and click it like I asked the first time.

For those of you who now think my sense of humor is immature, you’re probably right. Keep in mind, though, I have acted interested in your “cute” potty training or ridiculously over sharing breastfeeding stories…they are only appropriate or interesting to you, so check yourself.

“Welcome to King Burger, where we can do it yo’ way, but don’t get crazy!”

Hmm…does that sound familiar to you? No? Let me package it a different way.

Lord, whatever is Your will is my desire. Show me what You want me to do and I’ll do it. Show me where You want me to go and I’ll go. Lead me, and I’ll follow. I am Yours…as long as it’s convenient. And can you throw in that [ring, job, baby, new house, healing, deliverance, etc.] I’ve been waiting for. I’ll go where You call me and I’ll do what You tell me, but can You just go ahead and bless me first? Then I’ll know You are listening and my faith will be strengthened.
 
Don’t get me wrong. To pray that whatever the Lord puts in front of us is what we will commit our lives to without any indication of what comes next is a terrifying prayer. Especially when we’ve been praying for things for so long and the Lord keeps answering what we think should be “Yes!” with “No” and “Not Yet.” I’ll be the first to admit that.

But notice how disrespectful, albeit hilarious, BonQuiQui’s character is in this clip.

Reading into this as more than a comedy clip, we can see that the reason for her insolence comes from the confusion of her role. BonQuiQui’s role is that of service. Her hired position is to make a customer’s experience positive, and her sole purpose in that role is to learn what they want, communicate it to the appropriate people and ensure that they receive it. However, she views every customer as a nuisance because she is much more interested in being paid to take personal calls or simplistic orders.

What is your role?

Are you a mother? A son? A banker? A student? A girlfriend? A teacher? A helper? Lost and confused?

If you are a Christian, you are first and foremost a server. Your role is to glorify God, and to serve Him through serving others.

I went through a season at my job where hearing the word "stress" would actually create stress in me. In my dual role, I am responsible for all aspects of one ministry and the support of another through administration. This often means that other people will come to me asking me to order supplies or for database assistance while I am shaping details for an event or activity for my students. Needless to say, I have appeared less than approachable at times (yes, even those working in a church sometimes have off days - gasp!)

This did not change until one day I recognized and acknowledged my role. My role as God’s servant is to do whatever He puts in front of me to the best of my ability. It does not matter if other people appreciate it, or if I have other things to do. My agenda does not compare to God’s agenda.

When I realized this, being interrupted became a lot easier. My plans took a backseat to what God wanted me to get done, and it was so freeing. In the mornings I would literally pray “I am only responsible to get done what You have prepared for me today. Help me to recognize it and complete it as unto You.”

This didn't get me off the hook, though. I couldn't forego planning the details of an experience and blame my laziness on "not feeling called by the Spirit." I still needed to do all that was in my natural power, but it did change my perspective about interruptions.

Most specifically, it changed my perspective about life interruptions. 

What happens when a friend dies…a parent becomes ill…a baby is lost…money is dwindling and a job is nowhere in sight?

Life has a way of interrupting our plans and spitting in our faces while we pick up the pieces of shattered hopes and dreams.

How do you handle those interruptions?

This week, I received some subtle, but important reminders of my role.

On Monday, I went to purchase a study only to find my wallet was missing. Because I tend to be absentminded, I just assumed I walked out of the house with it and took an early lunch to drive home. Only it wasn’t there. And it wasn’t in my car. And when I called my friend at work to look around my desk it wasn’t there either. Panic mode.

I then remembered that I went to Wal-Mart 24 hours earlier and that was the last place I used it. Crap. It’s gone. I might as well call the bank now and tell them to freeze my cards.

Instead I trusted the Lord. I trusted that there is still goodness to be found in others, and I was proved right. After visiting the customer service desk at Wal-Mart I received my wallet completely intact, including my cash and checkbook! Praise the Lord!

Driving back to work, my gas light came on. I’ve never been so happy to fill up my 16-gallon tank as I was when the money I thought I would never see again was resting in my hands -- only to never see again, courtesy of Citgo. But the Lord took care of me, yet again.

I was on a high and praising God left and right. That is, until Tuesday. Somehow, between Monday and Tuesday (I’m assuming as I left my doors wide open in my frantic search for my wallet) a nasty frog hopped his little way into my home. No, it was not cute and cuddly like Kermit, the felt puppet. It was gross, slimy, and pooped on my floor. And I did not notice it until Tuesday morning as I sat down to journal before work and the nasty little thing hopped right by my bed.

I had a full day ahead and wasn’t able to get the nasty little thing out until that evening close to midnight. Ok, my sister Stacey wasn’t able to get it out until that evening close to midnight, because I was a little pansy who refused to go back home unless she came with me.

I believe wholeheartedly that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), the good, the bad, and the slimy.

Do I think the Lord intentionally placed a frog in my house because His plan was for me to worry about catching that than whatever I had on my personal agenda? Not necessarily.

Do I think He used Kermit to grab my attention and tell me to sit down and pause before life gets away from me? Most certainly.

Do I believe the Lord caused me to lose my wallet on Monday? Not at all. I was rushing and inattentive.

Do I think He used that opportunity for me to show kindness to others even in my time of distraction and despair? Absolutely.

Please don’t take these minor examples to think that I don’t know what it’s like for life to be interrupted in a real sense.

I know what it’s like to learn on your 18th birthday that you were given up for adoption as a baby, to learn that because of a completely preventable condition you may not be able to birth children of your own, to lose a friend to a drug overdose and to watch the most important person in your life suffer for over a year. I know about life's interruptions, I’m just not ready to talk publicly about those yet.

What I am ready to talk about is recognizing inconvenient interruptions as God-appointed interventions.

God has something planned for you today that is not on your schedule, not in your agenda, and is more than likely inconvenient.

But I guarantee that the time you take to respond to His whispers and talk to people you wouldn’t normally talk to, pray with people you wouldn’t normally “have the time” to be involved with, and do something outside of your comfort zone, that time will be rewarded and you will be blessed.

It’s not about being in the right place at the right time. It’s about holding your plans loosely and doing what God tells you to do when He tells you to do it.

"'I have the right to do anything,' you say - but not everything is beneficial.

'I have the right to do anything' - but not everything is constructive.

No one should seek their own good, but the good of others...

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do,

do it all for the glory of God.'"

 I Corinthians 10:23-24, 31

 


And just because Anjelah’s my absolute favorite comedienne, I included some of my favorite videos for those of you who have nothing else better to do.

Navigation - http://youtu.be/VIbZVeQkd8c
Nail Salon - http://youtu.be/GoqcAe06Fz8
Bon Qui Qui Flight Attendant – http://youtu.be/jl6OqmYwmPY


 

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Love Does turn me into The Me I Want to Be

“Self-improvement is no more God’s plan than self-salvation. God’s plan is not just for us to be saved by grace – it is for us to live by grace. God’s plan is for my daily life to be given, guided, guarded, and energized by the grace of God. To live in grace is to flow in the Spirit.” – John Ortberg, The Me I Want to Be

“The thing I love about God is He intentionally guides people into failure. He made us be born as little kids who can’t walk or talk or even use a bathroom correctly. We have to be taught everything. All that learning takes time and He made us so we are dependent on Him, our parents, and each other. The whole thing is designed so we try again and again until we finally get it right. And the whole time He is endlessly patient.” – Bob Goff, Love Does



It is not my practice to blog book reviews, but I just finished Love Does by Bob Goff, and The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg, and my mind is reeling.

I almost passed on Ortberg’s book, because the title screamed self-help -- and to clarify, that’s pretty much what it is -– but something about it intrigued me and I’m so glad I invested the time. Such valuable knowledge is to be gained from this read. It has easily climbed the ladder to one of my favorite books, and I’ve been recommending both of these left and right. If you’re looking for some summer reading, start with these two!

Do you mind if I share just a few more of my favorite quotes from these books, and how God spoke to me through them?

 

“God isn’t at work producing the circumstances you want. God is at work in bad circumstances producing the you he wants.”

The Me I Want to Be

I’m going to cheat here and include another quote from this book, “God himself can only bless me in my circumstances today. If I cannot experience the Spirit in the work I am doing today, then I can’t experience the Spirit today at all.” God is blessing us all in whatever circumstances we presently find ourselves. He is using them to shape us into who He wants us to be. We all go through tough times, and if you are not currently feeling His blessings, the question begs to be asked…are you actually opening yourself up to receive them?

“Things that go wrong can shape us or scar us.”
Love Does

It’s our choice. And it all comes down to perspective. What scars in your life continue to bring you shame, bitterness or hurt? What circumstances have you allowed to change your character and your outlook?

 

“Your ‘spiritual life’ is not limited to certain devotional activities that you engage in. It is receiving power from the Spirit of God to become the person God had in mind when he created you – his handiwork.”
The Me I Want to Be

God created each one of us for a specific purpose. We are here at this time, in this location, to interact with other people who God also decided would best serve His kingdom here and now to do things that He has already created for us! With such intentionality behind what God has prepared for us, there’s no wonder that the things we try to force into our lives fail miserably!

“Palms up means you have nothing to hide and nothing to gain or lose. Palms up means you are strong enough to be vulnerable, even with your enemies.”

Love Does

Goff shares how he instructs his clients who are being deposed to answer the judge and opposing lawyers questions: sitting with their hands on the back of their knees and their palms facing the sky. He links body posture to heart posture. I’ve even tried it the past couple of days, when I feel that I am tense, I consciously release the tension in my body and turn my palms toward God before I address a situation. I absolutely love this!

“The battle against temptation is a noble fight, but if we simply try to repress a desire, it will wear us out. We need to have a very clear picture of what kind of person we want to become, and why.”  

The Me I Want to Be

It is not enough to say, “I want to be a good Christian and not sin, so I won’t do this or that anymore.” We cannot grit our teeth and bully sin out of our lives. When we do this we end up weary and downtrodden and sin wins every time. Instead, why don’t we focus on who we want to be – rather, who we want to be in Christ – in the place of repressing what naturally tempts us. Pressing into God rather repressing Satan’s temptation.



It was tough to choose just a select few, but these struck a chord in me and led me to deep reflection. I hope they piqued your interest and you pick up these gems soon.

Learning how much people are impacted when we make the choice to love irrationally and learning about how God specifically created each one of us make both of these well worth the read! 

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Fifty Shades of Grey-ce (Grace)

I grew up in a family of "Cultural Christians." I love my family to death, but let's be real. To us, God existed in a box. We talked to learned about heard about God on Sundays and summer VBS, went to Him to ask for blessings or to rescue us from crisis, and looked down on the girls who got pregnant in high school because they were clearly not in His will. Isn't that where the basics of Christianity fall?

With this background, you can imagine how my world was rocked when I came to know Christ in a relational sense, after having the "time of my life" in college -- which was ironically plagued with disappointment and depression from the choices I made to assert my independence and freedom.

So now as an unmarried, twenty-something who enjoys wine and Will Ferrell and struggles with judging others and maintaining purity* with her handsome, talented, amazing boyfriend, I am really struggling with this whole Fifty Shades of Grey deal.

If you haven't heard about this book, you should probably Bing it now so this post will make more sense. Don't worry, I'll wait. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about patience lately, so I'll use it here.
----------------------------------------
Welcome back. I missed you. Did you catch that article where the librarian in Baltimore pulled the book from her shelves? Shout out to Libby. (That's the name I give all librarians. Two points if you caught the word play.)

I cannot express how disappointed I have been at the amount of Christian women who are not only reading this book, but passing it along to friends and discussing it in Small Groups. Married women claim it puts a spark in their marriage and single women think it's just as innocent as watching Glee. Don't even get me started with Glee.

The more I rest in God's Word, the more I have been forced to wrestle with how uncomfortable it truly is. Sure, there are the confirming promises our Father delivers, and the encouraging verses that can be tweeted or written on note cards. But for those of us who are Christ-followers, why do we continuously justify skipping the parts of the Bible we don't like?

Truth is not truth unless it is whole. Whole can be painful, but whole is ultimately healthy. You cannot accept some parts of the Bible while dismissing others and call yourself a Christian. I've been struggling with that as Christians continue to live divided over Amendment One, but that's another post for another time.

That is precisely the problem with religion now, though -- too much picking and choosing the things that make us feel warm and fuzzy while neglecting what God has directly commanded of us.

As it relates to Fifty Shades of Grey and the Christians who are reading it without a second thought (actually, their second thought is that those of us who aren't reading it are judgmental, stuck-up prudes), I am finding that a lot of Christians are compartmentalizing God. When we do this, we live as if God has office hours and they are from 8am-1pm on Sundays, depending on which service you attend, rather than living as if He is with us each and every day, in even the smallest details of our lives.

Really people? Come on! Christ-followers are called to be in the world and not of it, and that requires looking at the issues that are clearly of the world with a set of lenses that is not judgmental, but instead with lenses that allow our hearts to break when our eyes are opened to things that we know are not from God.

You may call me close-minded for writing about a book I haven't even read, but I can't bring myself to do it.

Just think...would you feel comfortable reading this book to your kids? To your mom? During your prayer time with God?

Furthermore, the main character of this ridiculous novel is apparently a controlling narcissist who epitomizes they type of jerk I would never want my daughter, my friends, or myself to seek in a boyfriend or husband. Sounds like my ex. And I thank God, quite literally, that he is my ex.

God is real and He is raw. He understands all of the nitty-gritty of our lives and we do not have to go before Him as perfect little angels who have our acts together. He knows we don't. He knows we are broken, bruised and tainted, and even if the rest of the world thinks we have our sh...uh, stuff...together, God knows the truth. And He still loves us. That's grace.
 
We all know it is wrong to take advantage of people, hurt children, ignore the widow. This upsets us and we even rally together around missions and social justice projects to make things better. 

Somehow, though, we completely miss the evil that is sneaking into our souls from more subtle influences. Putting poison like this into our minds, things you know aren't at all pleasing to God, will most assuredly start to take your life. 

You may think I'm being dramatic, but things rarely start full-force. Affairs start with just a glass of wine after work, innocence is given away to the boyfriend who was deemed marriage material from the first conversation. 

Most everything people regret in life has a starting point, and I bet if you reflect on things you wish had gone differently in your own life you can pinpoint some of yours. Don't let this stupid book be a starting point -- or a midway point, or a catalyst -- to the deterioration of a relationship in your life, whether that relationship is with your boyfriend, husband or most importantly, God.

I feel so adamantly about this that I decided to share my thoughts with everyone on an online blog, but it got me thinking: if I feel so strongly about something that others seem so apathetic, what am I apathetic towards that other Christians feel strongly about?

What are my own blind spots? Where am I ignoring God and settling to be of the world and not in it?

It's a harrowing thought, one that I'll have to sit with for a while, but one that I consider worth the discomfort as I grow in faith and into myself. 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, 

whatever is right, whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- 

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- 

think about such things."

Philippians 4:8

*I'll write later on reclaiming purity that was lost/given away with complete dismissal for God's purposes and intentions.

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