The F Word

Some consider it a dirty word. Others struggle saying it aloud, and many more have trouble submitting to it.

One word. Seven letters. 

Forgive. 

I once heard a preacher say "I am only responsible to forgive to the degree which I have been forgiven."

I try to keep this in mind whenever I struggle with forgiveness. More specifically, in extending forgiveness to repeat offenders when my flesh just wants to say "Peace Out" yet my Spirit reminds me how my sin is no different from those who offend me.

I don't have to forgive. Neither do you. We are not required to do so.

Except, then I am reminded how it was not a requirement for me to be forgiven. And I realize it is my duty to forgive, and it is an honor.

An honor.

Have you ever thought of forgiveness as an act of honor?

I hadn't until God revealed it as such to me, so don't worry -- there's still plenty of room on the bus for you to hop on.

There are countless stories in the Bible of forgiveness, and the perspective we should have when extending it, but one of my favorites is the story of Joseph and his brothers.

Joseph, a teenager approaching the years where many of us today head off to college, basically went and tattled on his brothers while they were out tending the sheep. As if there wasn't enough dissension between the brothers, probably due to competition and jealousy among the many wives who were their mothers, their father did not hide that Joseph was his favorite.

After Joseph shared with his older brothers dreams he had about ruling the world, they sold him into slavery. I'd say that's a bit extreme, but thanks to brother Reuben it was better than their first plan, which was to outright kill him.

Through a series of events (that I'll probably write about later in reference to how God's plans for us often takes us on journeys we would never choose, but we end up in positions much more prosperous in blessing than we could ever dream) Joseph was put in charge of the entire land of Egypt. He went from slave to ruler, and through his obedience in that role, he was able to save his family from famine. (Genesis 41-45).

I just love this whole account, but there are a couple of key points that really resonate with me.

One, when Jacob sent his sons - Joseph's brother - to Egypt in search of grain, the Bible says, 

"Although Joseph recognized his brothers, 

they did not recognize him." 

(Genesis 42:8) 

How often do we feel a lack of recognition from those around us? It may not be physical recognition, but if we were to be honest we feel slighted when people do not recognize the work we do, the effort we put in, our thoughtfulness, etc.

Think about how that plays into your extension or refusal of forgiveness. If you've ever said "why should I _____? I'm always the one that ____..." join the club. But don't get comfortable because we're leaving today.

Another thing I love is that after sending his brothers on their way, calling them back, sending them home again and summoning them in a whirlwind of confusion surrounding "stolen" gifts, Joseph finally admits that he is their long, lost brother.

"Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Come close to me." 

When they had done so, he said, 

"I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! 

And now, do not be distressed and 

do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, 

because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you…

So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. 

He made me father to Pharaoh, 

lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt." 

(Genesis 45:4-5, 8) 

Talk about a kingdom perspective.

Now, I'm not saying everything bad someone does to you is God's work, but I am challenging you to remember that if The Lord allowed it to happen, He has plans to use it for good. We may not be able to see how just yet, but that's where trusting His heart comes in.

Unfortunately, the people closest to you have the ability to hurt you the worst. Jesus tells us, though, 

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, 

your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 

But if you do not forgive men their sins, 

your Father will not forgive your sins.” 

(Matthew 6:15) 

I don't know about you, but I need daily forgiveness in my life. 

There are certain members of my family with which I have a rather toxic relationship, to put it mildly. No matter how much I desire the love of Christ to shine through me, these family members know how to push buttons like no one else that get me close to cursing. Ok, fine...past cursing.

One thing I have learned, though, is that forgiveness isn't necessarily permanent. It’s not a one-time act that fixes all and when you are finally able to forgive someone you have reached a new level of spirituality where they cannot hurt you again.

We would like for it to be, but the truth is, sometimes, with some people, forgiveness is continual. You may have to forgive someone seventy-seven times in your lifetime. (Matthew 18:22) Countercultural, I know, but such is the life of a Christ-follower. 

Now, I'm not saying this in complete contrast to the idea of "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." I never said you have to open yourself up to the foolery. I keep a healthy distance between the people who repeatedly hurt me, for a few reasons. 

For one, as sad as it makes me, that truly is just how they are. I don't even think they realize how damaging their words or actions can be. For two, I may be the only picture of Christ they see in their lifetime. And if it takes them until they reach their deathbed to allow Christ to work in their hearts, then I will consider it an honor to forgive them until then.

Recognize, I am not saying that I am awesome at extending grace and mercy. In fact, I am terrible. I isolate myself, I cry behind closed doors, and then judge them openly. But I know someone who is good at extending grace and mercy. In fact, He is the best. And every time I remember what He has done for me, I am compelled to do the same for others.

Remember, we are only responsible to forgive to the degree which we have been forgiven.

How much are you willing to forgive today?